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January 6th, 2005
12:17 pm - change is good
I am discontinuing my (semi) regular posting to this lj, though I plan on continuing to read my friends list frequently. If you want to continue to read the stories of me, I will henceforth be found here.
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January 2nd, 2005
01:49 pm - things i should perhaps be concerned about
The people across the street spend a lot of time in their garages, moving boxes about, and, well, hanging out in the garages. It is odd. About 20 minutes ago as I was messing about on the internet here at my desk watching their strange behavior I whipped out my trusty binoculars and got a good look. They are apparently breeding some sort of animal in cages in there. Guinea pigs? Mice? Rabbits? I know not. I will report back after more use of the binoculars. I think perhaps I should be concerned about my discernable shift from neighborhood busybody to actual SPY, however I don't seem to be able to muster up the guilt and shame.
While messing about on the internet here at my desk about 30 minutes ago I spent approximately $200 more than I would have liked on some plane tickets to France. Look out Kibberella (and Pants's), I'll be there before you know it.
I live in a fairly newly constructed house--the first time I have been privy to modern advancements like double-paned windows and insulation and whatnot. I have now layered three wool blankets and two down comforters on my bed and STILL cannot keep warm enough at night. Perhaps I should invest in a sleeping cap. Soon I may asphyxiate under all that weight.
My new wireless network only works when it is unencrypted. Should we offer free internet to the neighborhood? Perhaps it might make up for a bit of my spying ...
Current Music: Chak & Tim 2004
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December 28th, 2004
10:17 am - nevermind
Until recently I never knew how important five simple words were. "I'm sorry about your loss." They may seem trite and overused, but they have power. They help. To everyone who has said this to me in the last week, thank you more than you can know.
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December 27th, 2004
06:58 pm - hiatus
I would like to apologize to my devoted readers for my posting silence. This lj has become nothing but gloom and doom, and if I were to continue writing in my current state that would become even more pronounced. I'm here, I'm alive, and I'll come back someday with something clever to say.
Current Mood: the dumps
Current Music: dog eating stuffed toy that squeeks
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December 13th, 2004
07:28 pm - blue
Along with my sick I seem to have picked up a little case of the holiday blues, and I think I just made it worse. For about the billionth time I just watched Love Actually. Usually it is one of those movies that makes me feel better about stuff--a movie that gives a sense of hope. Today? Not so much. This evening all I see is that there is no Colin Firth flying from England to propose to me in mangled Portuguese, no sweet man knocking on my door waving flashcards saying that he thinks I'm perfect, not even a chance of being semi-rejected by a hot brazilian designer because my life is too complicated. Yeah, I'm sure you've all seen the film.
Okay, fine, I'm single. Most of the time that is okay with me. What is starting to be not fine is that the sorts of friendships I have always had previously in my life that make me feel that there are people out there who get me, that make me feel loved although only in a platonic way, seem to be slipping away. I'm feeling really disconnected. I'm feeling really lonely.
Even though it's only 7:30 I thinking of downing some nyquil (it keeps the cough at bay for a few hours at least) and try to get some rest.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/sad.gif) sad
Current Music: hooverphonic (why?)
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December 11th, 2004
07:01 pm - bored outta my mind
So I am still feeling crappy--too crappy to actually do anything, but well enough to want to do more. I spent most of today in bed in my jammies reading and knitting my grandfather's Christmas present*, interspersed with a Big Adventure to Perkins with my roommate for lunch (it was icky) and hanging some festive lights on our house. They look real purdy. For the past hour-ish I have been playing stupid games on my computer and wishing my throat didn't hurt as I sang along to iTunes. BORED. Too bored to even think of anything to say to the internet, so with that I will say good-night.
*I had no idea I could read AND knit--I have discovered it only works with a big hardback book, a couch pillow as a prop, and a super easy pattern that once established takes no thought whatsoever to maintain.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/blah.gif) bored
Current Music: the delays
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December 10th, 2004
11:53 am - i am totally that girl
You know, the one who comes in to work with the hacking cough and sits there at her desk all day. Coughing. I seriously have it in for that girl and really wish she would just go home. If only I could get my work done from there I would be gone faster than you could do something really fast in my general direction. I promise that I've been washing my hands. A lot.
The saddest part of being sick right now? The ski hill opened yesterday, and though I am not sure about this downhilling I am supposedly going to learn this season, I am VERY anxious to cross country. And I'm supposed to go tomorrow morning. Boo on sick!
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December 6th, 2004
09:22 am
I think that if ANYONE else (except maybe Sarah Pink because of her love for pink heels) just happened to be walking through the mall on a Sunday before Christmas doing a bit of shopping FOR OTHER PEOPLE, they wouldn't feel that it was essential to walk through the sale racks in the shoe department at the Bon. Especially if said person had ALREADY bought herself a present. While I didn't spend much on them, by the end of the day I am sure to have toes covered in blisters and incredibly sore ankles (if not rasperries from falling down off the teetering heights).
Anybody wanna meet me for lunch so I can show them off?
Current Mood: tall
Current Music: silence
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November 30th, 2004
11:52 pm - things i am currently in love with
in no particular order:
1. "researching the internets" Obviously it is the plural form I adore. Thank you Melelina!
2. If you don't know that Eric Alterman linked Sarah, you don't know the fabulousness of either. Learn.
3. Mail from foreign countries. Of course this is grand!
4. The prospect of adult-sized footie pajamas. Kellie? Help a sister out.
5. Living with The World's Best Roommate, who tells a person she is a good person without prompting.
6. Families proving they aren't totally psychotic.
7. Snow, if only because my Christmas present (whether I want it or not--alpine ski gear) becomes usable.
8. Being in a good enough mood to make a "things i am currently in love with list".
Now, I go to bed, as sleep is something else I have a faint memory of loving.
Current Mood: chipperer
Current Music: velocity girl
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11:12 am - the really stupid thing i did recently which is now really driving me crazy with irritation
A couple weeks ago I had a bad night. I was under a huge amount of stress and was sinking ever-deeper into an emotional black hole. The night in question I had a drink or two too many and had something of a breakdown. Fortunately, I know some pretty amazing people who took care of me and got me home all in one piece. Thank you bunches!
Unfortunately, as I was stumbling into the house, my glasses secretly escaped from my purse. The next day, after heading off somewhere to pick up a stranded friend, I returned to my driveway to see my spectacles lying very near to where I normally park my car. On closer inspection, I learned that on my way OUT of that very same driveway I had RUN OVER the glasses with the Volvo. Needless to say, the glasses will no longer be correcting anyone's sight. Right now my eyes are a little buggy and I really wish those very same glasses were jauntily perched atop my nose, but alas, it is not to be.
The lesson I learned? On the event of a drunken emotional breakdown, make sure all your purse has a zipped zipper or the whole world might be a bit blurry even after you sober up.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/thoughtful.gif) nostalgic
Current Music: apples in stereo
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09:53 am - highlights of the holiday weekend
The best part of the weekend definitely has to be that I learned that Turkey Dinner is a total breeze. I think I might do it again next week! Keep the crowd small, and there's nothing to it. My first-ever turkey was moist and yummy. I want to smear my entire body with my mashed potatoes, and I might except I already ate them all. Everything else was fatty and good, just like a holiday meal should be. Yum.
Though too many of my dear friends did not come home for the holiday (and won't be here for Christmas either!), it was very good to see the few who did pop in for a few days. Farker, seriously, move back. Grad school is over-rated and I need someone to ski with this winter. You don't take up much room. I could hide you in my closet!
Speaking of skiing, Santa came to visit a month early and I am now outfitted with some terribly attractive insulated pants, and couple of strips of waxed fiberglass, and the most difficult-to-walk-in boots EVER. According to the Claus's, I am ready for the alpine season if we ever get enough snow for the mountain to open.
Even though all I really wanted to do is lay about in my pajamas and read my book, the on-the-move nature of the weekend was very happy making and I look forward to continued peace, love, and busyness throughout the rest of the holiday season.
Smooch!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/hopeful.gif) hopeful
Current Music: pepe & the bottle blondes
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November 23rd, 2004
12:17 pm - gearing up
I'm still the crankiest bitch I know, but I hope things are going to be getting better. Even though the painful situations I find myself in are nowhere near being resolved, I am trying to just turn off my brain for awhile--or at least think about ANYTHING else. I am too tired of being confused, hurt, angry, helpless, worried, and just plain sad.
This year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the first time ever (though requiring my mother to bring all sorts of extras, including the pie). My turkey is currently defrosting in the refrigerator, and I hope to goodness I don't kill anyone with icky turkey bacteria. I have invested in some tremendously fancy* napkin rings and festive orange candles to try to train my guest's awareness away from the fact that my house is just not big enough for this kind of event. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully I remember to pick up some film to record this momentous occassion.
There are (too few) friends arriving in town for the holiday whom I very much look forward to seeing as much as possible. Though I want to be at the hospital as much as necessary, I do hope that some quality time is spent with both Ms. Farker and the silly Muppet. A second Dinner on Friday should help!
*indicates sarcasm
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/blank.gif) blank
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November 16th, 2004
03:55 pm - new plan
This week is about decompression. I can take my rage out on the WAC (The Inn at the Washington Athletic Club in Seattle overcharged me by close to $1000 and they don't want to give me my money back), Granddad is stable (though needing frequent visitors), and knitting season has taken off with a bang. I have nearly completed the present for my brother's girlfriend. Movin' on.
In other news, stupid quiz alert!
( Read more... )
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November 10th, 2004
10:27 am - things to be pleased by
1. I think I'm going to have time to hit the YMCA after work today, and just the thought of jumping in the cool pool and losing myself in the repetitive strokes is easing my shoulder tension a bit. Plus--Wednesday is a good day for yoga!
2. I've got some really kickass friends.
3. My grandfather being in the hospital has given me some opportunities for a couple really quality conversations with my parents. They are both pretty awesome people. And even though I would prefer Granddad to NOT be in the hospital, it is a situation that is also causing my brother to come home for a quick visit. I just love my brother to pieces and am excited to see him.
4. Netflix and really soft yarn.
5. A job I really love, even if some of the corporate bullshit makes me cranky on occasion.
6. As Scarlett said best, "After all, tomorrow is another day."
Current Mood: i'm trying, alright?
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November 9th, 2004
02:42 pm - i just can't shake this feeling
Just so the world at large knows how I feel, I'm going to post this here in case any of you care.
Obviously, this week isn't much better than last.
Must. Find. Release. For. Overwhelming. Rage.
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November 5th, 2004
10:39 am - the breathing exercises aren't working
Have you ever been so angry that just thinking about something causes your heart rate to leap? That your limbs start uncontrollably shaking? That your eyes start to well up and you feel that tightness in the back of your nose? I don't know what to do with this kind of anger. I believe that usually I try to be a problem solver rather than a problem escalator, but today the best solution I can see is honestly a fist connecting with a jaw. I don't like feeling this way, but sometimes emotions don't just turn off when you wish they would.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/angry.gif) angry
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November 2nd, 2004
08:43 pm - still freaking
For approximately the last three hours I have been sitting in front of my pc with a bottle of wine and a can of pringles. This doesn't bode well. At least the stress of this election stuff is taking the edge off some more personal worries that I don't think can be fixed. I don't know if I can take it much longer, though. I'm contemplating filling the needs-to-be-scrubbed tub with some hot water and bubbles until my roommate gets home to help me calm the fuck down.
I must say that election night is good for my sense of phone calling popularity. Recently it's hardly rung at all, but tonight I've had calls from all over the globe (kind of literally). Peeps in New York, Massachusetts, California, FRANCE, and many in-town loved ones have called--plus IMing (who knew it could be so much like a real conversation) with a pal in PA. Thanks for sharing the love (and the internet stats my dial-up just isn't up to loading this evening).
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10:46 am - freaking. out.
Today I am all hepped up with nervous energy I don't know how to release. This election stuff has me crazy. I've been playing with and playing with the LA Times Electoral Vote Tracker, I've been punching F5 on tons of news sources, and wishing that today was over and the results were tallied. Though I really want it to be over, I am so afraid that this nightmare administration is going to continue and things around here are going to continue to get worse and worse. Fortunately, I have work to do and hopefully cleaning up lines of code will help me keep it together!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/worried.gif) anxious
Current Music: coworker repeatedly depressing F5 on MSN News
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November 1st, 2004
04:22 pm - tap tap ... is this thing on?
Tonight I am heading out to see my favorite local band (Lovey). Of course, I have never heard them play before--except for a couple of tracks on a friend's cd two or three years ago. Anybody local wanna come down? Like that one awesome friend of mine who also adores this band who checks for new updates on my blog two or three times a day but doesn't return phone calls when people ring her to say they are going to see this really great band since we pinky swore like two or three years ago that we would go see this band together? I am heading down with Fern, but I am assuming that you are welcome.
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October 26th, 2004
09:18 am
I had the best time at the YMCA last night. I made myself do tons of stuff that I never do because it seems too hard. Yesterday, the challenge felt good. I climbed the escalator (made my knee cranky). I checked out the rowing machine (this will be added to my normal routine--so fun!). I even attempted the versiclimber (never again!). Today I hurt like hell in places that my normal gym activities apparently never hit, but I also feel invigorated.
Sometimes, even though it hurts, changing things up is totally the way ahead.
Current Mood: holding on
Current Music: fax machine beeping
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